the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
