if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
