But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
