Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Drunk is a universal language darling
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
