Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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