i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
