first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize