How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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