you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize