About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
