Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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