Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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