Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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