my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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