she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
