Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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