when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
