Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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