Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
