some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
