Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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