Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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