A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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