Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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