i don't like sucking hair
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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