Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize