Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
