I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and you said cock pushups were impossible
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
