I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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