theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
