Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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