Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
