Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
