Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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