he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
