Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
