I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
