i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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