Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
