If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
