she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize