look no pants
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
