I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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