God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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