This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
