I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
