I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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