I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
