I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
She needs sedatives and a leash
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
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