Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
