God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
