hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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