He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
