So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
