you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
