its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
