remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
