if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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