Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
