i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
