I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
