I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
