If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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