found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
