And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
