there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
