i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
