Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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