where am i from again
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
