I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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