No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
