I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
