My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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