Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize